Satisfied in Him

For you guys who haven't heard, we had a big time scare with JP last night. The short version is we went swimming yesterday, we came home, he threw up, he went to bed, and at 2:30 this morning he started gagging in his sleep. When we checked on him his mouth was covered with this white foam stuff. We took him to the emergency room and they called it a bacterial infection. The scary part is (as if that wasn't scary enough) that he had all the symptoms of something called delayed drowning. He's doing much better now, and actually sleeping soundly with Megan in our bed as I get to visit the spare room inn. I thought about JP pretty much all day. Any Father loves their son and we never want to see anything horrible happen, but last night made me think about my reaction if something did happen to JP. My day was immerse in the fear of suddenly losing my child. I couldn't stop this horrible pain inside just imagining never getting to chase after him, or hear "I love you daddy", or seeing his lips pucker up when I give Megan a kiss. So I went to the best two places possible for comfort: The Bible and John Piper. I started reading and listening begging for a Word from Jesus to bring some type of peace in my head. Paul said in Philippians 4 to rejoice and be anxious over nothing, but by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. So I prayed for JP. I prayed for health, comfort for his pain, and life. Then I started praying for me. I prayed that no matter what happened, life or death, that through the deepest possible pain I can say, "God is enough." Piper said this, "God is most glorified in me when I'm most satisfied in Him during loss not prosperity." What a remarkable statement. It is easy to say God is all satisfying when we are prosperous, but there is no testimony to His greatness in your life. When suffering severe loss, whether it's a job, person, or anything else...and people see a satisfaction in Him still...That glorifies God. So through these next few statements please understand that the deepest desire in my life is not family, although I love them more than words could ever speak, it's not hobbies, sports, friends, or any relationships. My deepest desire is to see God glorified to the greatest level possible through my life. This is my testimony. That my purpose is to know God and make Him known. I was upstairs in our student ministry area when I came to this conclusion: I love Jesus, He is my portion, my treasure, my righteousness, my propitiation, my calling, my purpose and whether I live or die my desire is to glorify Him. If you don't know Jesus personally and your reading this you may think I'm a twisted moron to elevate a religion over my child. He's not my religion...I hate religion. Religion will make you miserable and bring you no peace. Jesus is my everything. He's enough. No house? He's enough. No money? He's enough. Lonely? He's enough. Desperate? He's enough. Living? He's enough. Dying? He's enough. Hurting? He's enough. He's enough. He's enough. I'm so thankful that God has allowed my son to live this long, and please know we plan on him living a long time. But no matter what God may take to Himself...He's enough. That's what He means to me. He saved a wretched sinner. I wanted to do what ever God hated, I loved the very things that nailed Him to the cross, I hated God, and while I was hating Him Jesus died for me!! He called me out of the pit and made me clean. He changed the desires of my heart and looked at me and said, "RIGHTEOUS." I was made right with God, and I will not have to face His wrath because Jesus took it for me. I did nothing. Jesus did it all. Thank you Jesus for allowing JP to live on this earth a little while longer. But thank you more for offering the chance to live with You forever.